Extrovert vs. Introvert

I really wanted to share this article with you guys, which is about extrovert and introvert in a relationship. I made a short summary of the article, all credits goes to Viva NL12, 18-24 March 2015.

Extrovert vs. Introvert
Credits & source: Liefdes Boost in Viva 12, 18 - 24 March 2015, written by Marieke Ordelmans

"Picture this: after a busy work week your boyfriend goes to the pub with his hundreds of friends and you pull out your onesie and you plop down on the couch with a good book. 
Not once, but every weekend because he gets energy from external stimulants and you; you take a break to recharge yourself. In other words: he because he's an extravert and you, because you're introvert. These two concepts were developed by psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung. Most of the people are in between the extremist of these both, but if we describe these two types: the extrovert aims his energy to the outside such as people, activities and things. This type is energetic, enthusiastic, into activities, talkative and assertive. The introvert aims his energy to the inside, on his own thoughts and feelings. He is calm, well-considered and doesn't feel quite comfortable in unfamiliar company. 

The one is not better than the other, but if you put these two personalities together, it can cause confusing, irritation and incomprehension. At work, but also in a relationship. There are different differences relationship wise between introverts and extroverts. Extraverts people are often in a more serious relationship according to psychologist Jolet Plomp. They are likely less able in being alone. Also extraverts are more able to share his feelings to the partner, so it creates more understanding for each other. Introverts aims less on someone else, but are more focussing on their own thoughts and feelings. They ponder about things and are more able to see things from different lights. Also this character is also good in a relationship. That means that introversion isn't always a bad influence on the quality of the relationship. But due this character it cant happen that it takes some time before someone surrender fully to another. 

Let's zoom in on the relationship between two different kinds of people. According to introvert coach Eline Sluys, difference in predisposition leads to different behaviour. If you don't understand each other in that, it can happen that you see each other's behaviour sees as a rejection or as an attack, instead of someone's preference. The most important difference is that the extrovert brain prefer to reacts right away on new input and information, while the introvert wants to take the time to think about it first. The thinking process of the extravert takes place in the outside world, as interaction with others while the introvert thinks internally what he or she thinks about it. The thinking process and steps won't always be shared, so that can leading to miscommunication. Extraverts use more words to express themselves, if it's about feelings. They like to react directly to talk about it. Introvert have more difficulties and struggles to find the right words and fret and wonder more and search continuous for the right timing. The introvert frightens from the fierceness of the extrovert. The extravert becomes muzzy, confused and also uncertain of the silence and non-reaction of the introvert." (Credits: Viva NL 12, 18-24 March 2015)

If I can describe myself: I am calm and have always been focussing on myself, my thoughts and indeed, my own feelings. I don't like crowded places and feel uncomfortable with unfamiliar (big) groups of people. I avoid confrontations and hope to remain peace. I also don't really how to know to express myself in words sometimes. And the term introvert is something that I can relate to SO much and I'm glad to know that being an introvert is not a weird thing, but normal. As an introvert I cause miscommunications with my loved ones at times and I have to admit I am really struggling with this when it happens. But luckily there are few anti-irritation tips:

  1. Try to see the best thing in your differences; don't make every difference a conflict. 
  2. Keep the communication clear from blaming and assumptions and don't go thought-reading. So: check, check & double check. "Is it right that..?" "Do you mean that...? 
  3. Listen before you respond. If you go right into defense mode, you won't hear the message. Listen to another. Tip: Hold each other and ask 3 questions. 
  4. Don't attack, but speak in first person instead of you. "I feel like this.. if you do or say that"
(Credits: Viva NL 12, 18-24 March 2015)

But I have to say, I'm not introvert all the time. Now and then I like to be adventurous and social. I really like to read this information and the tips are definitely useful too! :)

Are you an extrovert or an introvert or both? Can you relate yourself to this article? :) X